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Be a Man!

What does it mean to be a man? "You the man!" people say, and often they're talking to the guy who frequently “scores” with the ladies.If you really look at a guy like this you find it’s all about him. His goal is to get what he wants, when he wants it, and he frequently hurts people in the process. To be a real man is much more attractive than that. True masculinity focuses on the needs of others; it is protective, goal-driven, and self-controlled.

What are you listening to? Mixed messages about male sexuality and responsibility blare from every direction. Perceptions of truth that come from locker room talk, internet chat rooms, movies and television are to be taken in context. These messages are meant to appeal to base emotions requiring little thought. You are intelligent. Reach higher for a truth defined by conscience, wisdom, and respect.

You are a complex individual with emotional, physical, and social dimensions that must be considered in order to make wise choices regarding your sexuality. Rampant STD’s, the emotional pain of failed sexual relationships, and unintended pregnancy are only a few of the issues to consider. Only you can protect your sexual well-being. Birth control methods are universally fallible. The only way to protect yourself 100% is to refrain from sex. Period.

Your Options for Unplanned Pregnancy

You may have already found yourself experiencing problems from premarital sex. Maybe your partner is pregnant and scared. Where do you go from here?

Agree to help parent the child
Taking responsibility for your actions and providing support for your child is a noble and commendable action. This choice takes into consideration what is in the best interest of the child, even when the decision whether or not to marry your girlfriend has not yet been made.

Marry, and raise the child together
For some couples, the desire to be a family and commit to each other in marriage is the best option. Children naturally thrive when both loving parents live with them.

Place the baby in temporary foster care
When you and the mother of your child just don't "have it together" yet, but you want to the right do thing, placing your child in temporary foster care might give you time to put the framework for parenting your child into place.

Help to place the baby for adoption
Adoption is a loving, unselfish choice. Depending on the circumstances involved, this difficult decision may the best one for your baby. Your girlfriend may decide that this option is the one she wants for the baby, but you may feel like your baby is being abandoned. Think again. Adoption can be a plan for your child that will give him a future you may not be ready to provide.

Adoption agencies and attorneys thoroughly screen families seeking to adopt. Some open adoption opportunities allow you to communicate with your child and exchange pictures. You may also register with the state so that your child can find you when he turns 18. What would you say to your child when he finds you? You have 18 years to think abut this, but you might begin with, "Your mother and I loved you so much that we chose to give you a chance at a wonderful life."

Abandon the situation
You could abandon your girlfriend, though this is not an honorable decision. You may feel that you have an education to think about. Maybe you want to see the world. You may not even have feelings for the mother of your child, but will you feel proud of this decision in five or ten years down the road?

All actions have consequences and responsibilities. Have you ever felt abandoned during a difficult time in your life? Your girlfriend and your baby need you now. Whether you want this baby or not, whether you love this woman or not, you are still a father. If you are a young man whose father was not available for you, the pattern of abandonment can be broken with your actions.

Abort the baby
This option seems to hide the fact that your girlfriend got pregnant, but carries possible traumatic consequences for everyone involved. Along with the possibility of physical risks for your partner, evidence-based research has shown that both men and women may suffer “ Post Abortion Stress” following an abortion procedure. PAS has a number of symptoms that originate in feelings of guilt, shame, and regret for the choice that was made. Common biological understanding of an unborn child as a unique human life (not just an extension of a woman’s body) often is the basis for these emotional consequences.

In spite of unique and complex DNA present at conception, much of our current culture asserts that early unborn life is just a piece of tissue and the "simple procedure" of abortion will eliminate the problem. Get the facts. Think it through.

What are my rights in pregnancy?

Our culture is changing. Many men are taking on roles that include more child-rearing responsibilities. However, if your girlfriend or wife is pregnant and decides to have an abortion, your influence is solely limited to the power of your persuasion and the strength of your relationship. This can give men a sense of powerlessness.

What if you want her to have the baby? Let your partner know that you want to have a role in the decision she makes. The best thing that you can do in this emotionally-charged situation is to be committed to your girlfriend. Staying committed is no guarantee that your partner will make the decision to carry your baby, but it will assure her that you will provide support if she decides to do so.

What if you want your girlfriend to abort this baby? No one can force a woman to have an abortion. Legally, it is her choice alone. She will bear the weight of her decision for the rest of her life . If you find yourself leaning toward abortion, learn about abortion procedures and risks in order to participate in an informed choice.

What if your partner wants to place the child for adoption? Consider carefully what is in the best interests of your baby, your partner, and yourself.

Ask yourself: Can I support my child if I haven’t finished my education? Can I finish my education while supporting a child? Can I give my child everything I want him to have—a stable home environment, love, and a safe place to live? What kind of childhood do I want my child to have? What kind of family do I want my child to grow up in?

These questions are good to think about whether you raise your child yourself or place it with an adoptive family.

If you doubt that you are the father of your partner’s baby, a DNA test can be done to determine parentage. Whether or not you are the biological father does not change the value of the baby.

As the biological father of a child, you have legal rights concerning the adoption process. You must sign a form called a “surrender” giving permission for your partner to place your child with an adoptive family. If you do not have a relationship with the mother, the mother is still required to make you aware of her plans. Every reasonable effort must be made to contact you and alert you to the decision being made to place your child for adoption.

Through the whole process of coming to grips with an unplanned pregnancy, Campus Hope will commit to helping you and your partner weigh the options as you decide what is best for you. Should you decide to parent or to lovingly place your child for adoption, our student organization will help you as you move forward with your pregnancy plan. Should you choose an abortion, our student advocates are available and willing to help you deal with your abortion experience through post abortion recovery materials.
Just need someone to talk to? We listen. We care.

An Abortion Study Reveals Male Perspectives

Professor Arthur Shostak, of Drexel University, surveyed 1,000 men waiting in abortion clinics while their girlfriends and wives were having abortions. The study was published in Men and Abortion: Lessons, Losses and Love (Praeger, 1984).

A vast range of emotions among the men was reported. Many feared for the woman’s health, felt guilty about the abortion or the pregnancy, felt self-doubt and also anguish and pain over the loss of their children and over the entire abortion “experience".

Some relationships were changed. One man wrote, “It was the end of something between us – on her side, it had killed off trust and a lot of hope, and on my side, all I felt for her was resentment and bitterness…”

Examine your choices

You don't have to face this problem alone. There are people who care and are willing to help. Campus Hope students are available to offer accurate information and assistance. Call 422-3544 today to schedule your confidential appointment, or e-mail campushopestudents@yahoo.com.